My purpose as a parent that I learned yesterday.
May 28, 2020
This is my “threenager” son. He is quite the active little guy.
Yesterday he would not give up his screaming.
He was told he can not put more liquid soap into the cup (he filled it), and boy he lost it and was screaming. He starts emptying the water in his bath using a container while we had taken his sister out to go change.
I come back to see pretty much quarter of the tub water on the floor.
I am Not perfect so I was taken by surprise. I was about to lose it, but instead thought, okay it’s just water and with a loud voice I said “stop! what are you doing?”
In times of crisis for me things go in slow motion. Things are at a halt and this very neutral feeling comes about (which has proven to be advantageous in many situations I have been in).
I wrap him up in towel pulled him out of the tub and then hugged him as he continued to scream and cry.
I know he needs me now when he is still figuring out how to deal with his emotions.
He clings to me as he still screams and cries and before I can ask why he did what he did,he goes “I can’t tell you why because I do not know I got mad and couldn’t stop it! “as he screams.
The Light bulb went off for me , so he does hear me when we talk about things, when he’s calm, (and after the 1000 time) he has been able to express himself.
So I try to ask myself what is he needing? What is it that he is looking for?
Like most of us, He wants control, control of the situation, himself and emotions.
What I realized from many of these outburst is, he also wants me to continue to show him I love him when he is acting out.
How would you want to be treated during times when you are upset?
I ask myself often during his threenager outbursts,
what does his spirit need?
I learned he needs safety, security, Compassionate relationship and Connection,
That even in his distress, especially in the unpleasantness that he may show to me or others, that I am there for him to guide him back to a safe place without affecting his self worth and self esteem.
So when he is calm I will approach him about his behaviour and maybe he can find other ways to express his anger that doesn’t leave him feeling so out of control.
So I reflected on my purpose yesterday as a parent and that’s where this story came from.
My purpose as a parent yesterday is to guide him to feel more connected, safe and loved and to help him understand behaviours are choices and not who he is.
Honouring and Serving,
Simran K. Rattan MD